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I know some of you have already started to wonder if I’ve decided to join the natural hair movement (Love you ladies but it’s just far too much work with the pre pooing and the post pooing I just can’t). And no I haven’t decided I want to change my name from Claire to Clark and start wearing mens clothes either (Love being a woman) Nah I’ve decided that I am and forever will be a proud feminist.

Now before the men start wondering if I’ve started backsliding. I don’t know why being a strong woman is associated with somehow being sinful. I still love my Jesus. I still love my husband. But I’ve decided to transition from what Chimamanda Adichie calls feminism lite to full blown feminist. And no I’m not going to stop wearing a bra or makeup or fashionable clothes. My feminism is uniquely mine and I…

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A casual misconception




The thought of what to write today kept running through my head and I finally settled on religion. I also thought of writing a “three part-er” on Christianity, Islam and Judaism  but seeing that I only know what I read about one and what my friend tells me about the other, I’m just gonna wait till I explore all three and write on them.

So, one of my very good friends is Muslim. She’s beautiful, intelligent, very fashionable, a make-up enthusiast and the one thing I love the most about her is her non-judgmental self.

Before getting into the university, I had no idea I’d “fall in love” with a Muslim

(shut up Rida!), because I grew up in a Christian dominated society, in a Christian home and went to Christian schools. I was never exposed to any other religion until the university.

I always have questions and thoughts about my religion; like if Christianity was really the way to heaven and that’s if there is a heaven? How do I know that God exists? They say there is evidence of Him everywhere in our everyday lives but there are still words like “accidents”, “coincidences” and “fate”. Oh, there’s also the Big Bang but all that’s talk for another day.

You see how I have all these questions about my religion? A true Christian wouldn’t, neither would a true Muslim. If my family reads this; my mum will be convinced that I’m being exposed to too much philosophy in my discipline and arrange an exorcism. My brothers will see it as proof that they’ve been right about me all along – (*in a very Kevin Hart voice*)  “that bitch is crazy! and my Pastor? Oh well.

Through Farida, I began to understand the true meaning of faith. Watching her pray devoutly five times a day and how she lived her life through school, made me wish I was a better Christian and I’ll say this over and over; if Christians prayed with as much faith as Muslims, this world would be a better place.

Now, I’m going to tell her and my other Muslim fellows something not many have told you and this maybe because they do not have the energy to get into this conversation but I will. Not everybody who isn’t Muslim is a Christian.

I don’t know about Islam but from what I was thought, I know Christianity is not just a religion. It’s a way of  life. I’m not about to preach or get spiritual now. This is just the truth and Christians know this. This is “tafia” for my Muslim brethren. You don’t just call someone Christian because they don’t go to the mosque. I come from a Christian background and with the understanding I have of the faith, I cannot genuinely call myself Christian.Someone who has never stolen or killed or committed adultery or fornicated but is so quick to judge others without remorse can’t be called Christian. It’s demeaning and almost insulting.It’s just like when the Boko Haram thing was at an all time high and people called the insurgents Muslim and actual Muslims were offended by it. That’s how I too am offended by this. I’m not hurt or angry, just offended. It just makes my skin crawl whenever she calls one “very far from Christ” person Christian. “They’re not Muslim” is a better phraseology.

It’s more than a religion.It’s more than a term or title. It’s an embodiment. An essence in its self. It is both a responsibility and a gift. One I do not think anyone is worthy of, if not for grace.

I think it’s pretty much the same thing with Islam.It’s a casual misconception that I feel the need to correct every time Rida calls someone Christian

So, the next time you want to classify someone who isn’t Muslim, remember this post and just call them their names instead.

I Have Arrived (for now) —

There is a concept that most adults live under that pressures them to be more and to do more. Heck, my first word was actually “more” as a baby. It is the heart of capitalism in some ways. Yet, the feeling of “making it” behooves us as we strive and strive for triumph and glory. […]

via I Have Arrived (for now) —

My Late Val’s Message



Last week, I received news that a young lady my elder brother grew up with had passed away. When I asked what happened, he told me she was in an abusive marriage and on that day she couldn’t take it anymore; she left two lovely children behind. I definitely have a serious issue with abusive men and I wish that the reason for writing this piece was to speak about it and at some point I will, but not today.
When I sit back to think what could’ve kept her in that position, to receive the abuse and humiliation up to the point where neighbors would have to break down the door just to help this girl and her kids… I try to put myself in her shoes, I think to myself and conclude that there’s no way humanly possible I’d remain in such a situation, no reason seems good enough; you’d say the kids; but my kids need me alive and well… Love? Most of the time, the  idea of  love is never enough. Stereotype? The fact that mothers constantly remind their daughters that there is no room for change,divorce or separation.
Personally, I don’t think divorce really solves anything, I don’t envy  families that have suffered divorce or separation. However, my real issue lies in the reason for getting married in the first place.
Lots of girls get married because they just figure its the next step; school, NYSC, marriage, babies, instagram pics the rest of my life. To me, the rush behind getting married early and starting a home forces you into an eternity with a complete stranger. I know there are people with serious anger issues but I also know the world is a much better place than we say. There’s  definitely always someone out there for everyone,you just need to find them. What do you mean when you say you’ve found the One? Do you think that’s someone who makes you happy,makes you smile,treats you like a king or queen you think you are?
When I hear the One, I don’t hear she loves me to the end of the world and back, I don’t hear he protects me or he  makes me smile like a donkey. When I hear the One, I shudder, the way you should too. I hear I’m willing to dissociate myself from everything  I know for this one. I hear a calming voice when that tsunami rises. I hear forever. I hear even death cannot part us. I hear I’d die protecting you. I hear “if we come back to this world as completely different people,our souls will cause our bodies to cross oceans to find each other again, every time”. Whenever,I hear the one, I feel my own heart ,I feel this one within me. I feel sad whenever I hear the One because most people go through life having found  the idea of love without knowing truly what it is.

If Kammy had found this One, she’d probably still be here,teaching her kids and praying they find theirs. If the husband had found his One, no one would see him as capable of the monstrosity, they probably might have made good friends or complete strangers. If they’d found the One, those kids would not have to grow up without the care of a mother or with the hate they’d have for their father…
My mum keeps reminding me that I should be ready, ’cause “no one knows when He will come” (and I don’t mean the Messiah). She’ll be shocked to know that I’m really not in a hurry to walk down the aisle just yet. I don’t care how long it takes but I won’t manage with “A one”, for heaven’s sake this is the rest of my life we’re talking about. I know I’m capable and deserving of this kind of love.Who I would  want by my side for the last 10 years or the last 10 seconds of my life? There’s no way in hell I’m taking that decision lightly!
It’s not a mission,it’s just an integral part of existence that happens and should not be taken for granted.
So,here’s to finding the One… I hope you all do.

The turn around

2016-01-27-21-40-37-039.jpgI’m about to turn my life around.
You see,up until this moment, I’ve had everything handed to me. Not that I asked for it or  was born with a silver spoon,it just so happens I grew up with love like that; where everyone treats you like a baby, smothering you with unnecessary care and attention. I don’t mean any disrespect to those who don’t have such it’s just this way for me.
I’ve managed to be late to everything in my life and somehow, I also manage to fuck things up for myself,but not anymore. I got so comfortable with things being handed to me, it gradually drifted to hand-me-downs. I usually wait for everyone around me to make deicisons about my own life and take action based on these decisions but today I say no more. I’m about to turn my life around and I haven’t the slightest clue where to start. I only know that it starts with a step outside my zone. My mum’s probably (most definitely) gonna throw a hissy fit about it and remind me how safe and proper I’m supposed to be but what’s a life without adrenaline?
I’m just gonna hold my breathe, count to three and go….
I’m about to turn my life around…
And I need pointers.

| 90smaverick on

As the days go by, it dawns on me with each passing minute that I’m rounding up a phase of my life; my “college days” are slowly winding up and the next phase I’m supposed t…

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GDq8UO1LtFAs the days go by, it dawns on me with each passing minute that I’m rounding up a phase of my life; my “college days” are slowly winding up and the next phase I’m supposed to be entering is more serious; every decision I make is more crucial and the consequences of my actions are more dire, seeing that this is quite literally, the rest of my life…  I’m about to step into the rest of my life!!! This is the point where everyone begins to ask the dreaded question. I haven’t even asked myself this question so,you can imagine my surprise when I’m being asked “what next?” It sends my head into this booming spiral but I try to brace myself and muster “uuuhhm,it all depends on where I serve but I’ll definitely go for my masters after my youth service.” Here’s the thing; if I even want a masters’ degree, what do I major in? Okay, if I don’t get one, what do I do with my life? Do I concentrate on my writing and try to get the on-air job I’ve always wanted or try to run with the business ideas I have? Or do I just try and get a good decent guy, channel my energy into building a solid relationship and settle down with him? I just turned 22 and in some way I’m getting older and definitely should start thinking of settling down (atleast that’s what my mum says) In another way, I’M JUST 22! This phase of my life literally has a soundtrack to it! For some,I’m leaving unversity late so settling down should ‘definitely’ be an option but they don’t know my journey, so to me, I think I couldn’t have left the university at a better time; I’m older, wiser, more mature, alot less susceptible to the opinion of others; especially of me. I think I’m at the best point in my life! Like Nicki said in her song, “how dare we sit quietly and watch the world pass us by? This is an amazing question especially as I did remain level headed and civil through out the university. This is literally my time to unwind and let my hair down, go wild as a goose (well, not necessarily wild- not sure i could pull that off) but just experience the world around me in a way that doesn’t involve books or a curfew. Or monogamy. I’m not entirely sure I can settle for the “routine life” of 8-4, taking orders from not one person but an endless bureaucracy. It sure seems cool to say stuff like “I’m just coming from the office” or “something crazy happened at work today”… sounds very grown up and mature… it also sounds like something I’m not ready to be… This doesn’t mean I’m scared to change or mature; I know firsthand that age, a job title and marriage do NOT spell out maturity (you’d be stunned). I just want to experience the world and life on my own and allow these things to mature me so I can be ready for this “next” that you all speak of and if love finds its way then I’ll accept it. Otherwise, #y’allneedtochill.