My Late Val’s Message



Last week, I received news that a young lady my elder brother grew up with had passed away. When I asked what happened, he told me she was in an abusive marriage and on that day she couldn’t take it anymore; she left two lovely children behind. I definitely have a serious issue with abusive men and I wish that the reason for writing this piece was to speak about it and at some point I will, but not today.
When I sit back to think what could’ve kept her in that position, to receive the abuse and humiliation up to the point where neighbors would have to break down the door just to help this girl and her kids… I try to put myself in her shoes, I think to myself and conclude that there’s no way humanly possible I’d remain in such a situation, no reason seems good enough; you’d say the kids; but my kids need me alive and well… Love? Most of the time, the  idea of  love is never enough. Stereotype? The fact that mothers constantly remind their daughters that there is no room for change,divorce or separation.
Personally, I don’t think divorce really solves anything, I don’t envy  families that have suffered divorce or separation. However, my real issue lies in the reason for getting married in the first place.
Lots of girls get married because they just figure its the next step; school, NYSC, marriage, babies, instagram pics the rest of my life. To me, the rush behind getting married early and starting a home forces you into an eternity with a complete stranger. I know there are people with serious anger issues but I also know the world is a much better place than we say. There’s  definitely always someone out there for everyone,you just need to find them. What do you mean when you say you’ve found the One? Do you think that’s someone who makes you happy,makes you smile,treats you like a king or queen you think you are?
When I hear the One, I don’t hear she loves me to the end of the world and back, I don’t hear he protects me or he  makes me smile like a donkey. When I hear the One, I shudder, the way you should too. I hear I’m willing to dissociate myself from everything  I know for this one. I hear a calming voice when that tsunami rises. I hear forever. I hear even death cannot part us. I hear I’d die protecting you. I hear “if we come back to this world as completely different people,our souls will cause our bodies to cross oceans to find each other again, every time”. Whenever,I hear the one, I feel my own heart ,I feel this one within me. I feel sad whenever I hear the One because most people go through life having found  the idea of love without knowing truly what it is.

If Kammy had found this One, she’d probably still be here,teaching her kids and praying they find theirs. If the husband had found his One, no one would see him as capable of the monstrosity, they probably might have made good friends or complete strangers. If they’d found the One, those kids would not have to grow up without the care of a mother or with the hate they’d have for their father…
My mum keeps reminding me that I should be ready, ’cause “no one knows when He will come” (and I don’t mean the Messiah). She’ll be shocked to know that I’m really not in a hurry to walk down the aisle just yet. I don’t care how long it takes but I won’t manage with “A one”, for heaven’s sake this is the rest of my life we’re talking about. I know I’m capable and deserving of this kind of love.Who I would  want by my side for the last 10 years or the last 10 seconds of my life? There’s no way in hell I’m taking that decision lightly!
It’s not a mission,it’s just an integral part of existence that happens and should not be taken for granted.
So,here’s to finding the One… I hope you all do.


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